Wednesday.
I am going to buy a plant.
Correction. I am driving over an hour return to buy a $15 plant because I need something that I can love that is mine and won’t leave me. (I know, I have the fur babies, but I just really wanted a plant ok.) I called her Girl Friday and she has purple black leaves that fold up at night.
I took Daryl the dog with me for a bit of a road trip, in light of my new commitment to be the best fur mom ever. On the way home we stopped at a dog park and Daryl decided to take a swim in the creek. Watching his absolute joy, I felt my heart explode and heard myself laughing for the first time in a week. It’s just us four now and the love and affection these furry, smelly bastards show me has made the world of difference in the last week. Any way, here’s a photo of Daryl getting his stank on.
If my future-ex-husband knew I still haven’t given him a bath and he’s sleeping on the bed right now, his fucking head would explode.
On returning home my mattress got delivered. I realised this is the first time I have actually owned a mattress myself. I always lived in furnished units, borrowed from friends and for the last 5 years, slept on my ex’s. It feels like the best fresh start ever. And guaranteed no cum stains!
While I’m pretty isolated down here, I am aware that I am blessed to have an incredible collective of women in my life that I know are on my side. So in an attempt to prevent myself from blowing up facebook and my future-ex-husband’s phone with a bunch of depressive emo crap, I created a group chat with a bunch of women that I knew I could express myself to and they wouldn’t judge me or tell me to “give it time”. So now I heap my depressive emo crap on them instead. I’m telling you, if you go through a break up and don’t have a powerhouse of strong women behind you, I don’t know if your gunna make it. I have one friend that calls me every single day to make sure I’m not swinging from a rafter. Another sends through attorney referrals and plant recommendations, and another booked me a ticket home and arranged a get together with all my friends, even though I promised her I wouldn’t smile the whole weekend.
Women!
I have been giving a lot of thought to what the future looks like for me now I’ve been totally uprooted. I have had to readjust not only my plans but my whole image of what my future looks like. My financial stability is now 100% my responsibility, and while I’ve always been good at managing money, two paycheques are definitely better than one. I’ve also had to come to terms with the fact that any adventures I want to take now will be as a single person. My future-ex-husband and I never really travelled, seldom went out to dinner and never went out to bars or clubs. It wasn’t his thing and it wasn’t a financial priority. Even when I made a date night account, it went unused.
I read an interview recently with Emma Watson where she said she referred to herself as ‘self-partnered’ instead of single. I really like that. Like the Lizzo song ‘Soulmate’, it bows to the notion of taking care of yourself the way you would a partner, or the way you would want a partner to take care of you. It resonates with me because as much as I’m a huge advocate for self care, it is very easy to push aside. Self-partnered is almost calling out the fact that we prioritise others over ourselves and removing the excuse. Romance and passion was definitely something that was missing in our marriage, but that doesn’t mean I can’t romance the shit out of myself now, not to mention prioritise the rest of my needs.
I re-did my budget. Having a financial plan has always been the foundation of my mental health. I also sent my future-ex-husband a breakdown of his share of the expenses. The fact that we own a house together is going to make things more difficult but I guess that’s the price you pay for falling in love.
I found a bed. It’s on the other side of the city so I go and pick it up. Trying to assemble it I realise my future-ex-husband has taken the tool kit and I need an Allen key to put this thing together. Another night on the couch. I’ve decided to give up pot for a while.
My roommate bought me perfume. ❤
Baddie. x
rock'n'roll mermaid 