Tuesday. Mother fucking Tuesday.
Every morning when I wake up, there are a few precious moments before I recall the absolute train wreck that was the last week and is now my life. I forgot that every plan we made together has evaporated into mist, and that I’m now so fucking alone. This is usually the best part of my day.
Sadly, today I must leave the comfort of my new bed/home/fortress of solitude aka the couch. The boys (my fur children) are running low on food so I must face the public, which means I must shower and brush my teeth.
For the first time. In six fucking days.
Don’t judge me.
In a bid to delay the inevitable, I decide to rearrange my bookcase according to colour, which chews up a good hour of my day. It becomes clear to me that I do not own enough black books. This must be rectified.
I head to the pet store and make my selection. This pet store also happens to be smack bang in the middle of a complex of bedroom stores, so I wander aimlessly, looking at $3000 packages and wondering if maybe I could have slept in our old bed after all. After being approached by one overly enthusiastic sales man who said I looked edgy (cue cat hair covered beanie to hide grease trap, dirty jeans, slippers and my leather jacket), and completely ignored by about 6 others I’m about to give up when I find my saint.
“Can I help you with something?’
“Probably. I don’t know. I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I’m getting a divorce. I have no bed and not much money”
Lordy, I bet she’s glad she picked me. 20 mins later I walk out with a receipt for a discounted floor stock mattress and a promise of delivery the next day. Turns out Jodie is recently separated too, all men are scum, we’re better off without them, yada yada. Too right you are sister.
After what I deem to be one for the win column, I decide to ride this new found wave of achievement all the way to the supermarket, where I proceed to buy every fathomable comfort food you can imagine.
Go home. Get drunk and stoned. Eat half the food I bought. Decide I cannot live without a pot plant.
No sobbing fit that I can recall. Winning!
Baddie. x
rock'n'roll mermaid 