I’ve done a lot with my life. I have lived in many places and worked what I would say is an unusual amount of different jobs for someone at the ripe old age of nearly 29. I have always been quick to fall in love and quick to fall out of love, with most things; Men, countries, food, music, jobs, hobbies. Over my years I have left a path of destruction and discontentment in my wake.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed it. I have travelled the world, had wonderful experiences, faced fears, given my heart to wonderful men and then found the courage to take it back. I DID become a PADI MSDT (Master Scuba Diver Trainer) and lived in Thailand for 6 months, learning and teaching and falling in love with the ocean and the culture and discovering who I am. I was blessed to meet so many incredible humans during my time there who helped me discover myself and grow towards the person I hoped to become. I made mistakes. A lot of mistakes. Horrible, gut wrenching, humiliating mistakes.
I also achieved things I never could have imagined I was capable of. I guided divers inside shipwrecks. I pushed my limits. Along with the beautiful French man I spent most of my time there with, I developed a great passion for marine conservation and a thirst for knowledge about the extensive aquatic ecosystems that most of us remain oblivious to our whole lives. I got matching tattoos with a crazy Canadian girl and developed friendships that I hope will remain strong for the rest of my time on earth.
But all of this wasn’t enough. When I returned home to Australia, my demons were waiting for me. It’s a well known fact within my circle of friends that family has always been a sensitive subject to me. Without going into too much detail, let me just say that I reached a point where I realised who I was trying to become did not align with the influences I had in my life, and that I was no longer going to put myself in the path of destructive forces. I also needed to well and truly hit rock bottom, so I could discover the strength within myself to rebuild. And I did. So now I am.
I know now what I want. Not all of it, not the whole plan. I have travelled this path, or one like it, too many times to expect that my plan and the universe’s plan for me will perfectly align. But I know now that whatever happens, it has to be for me, by me and through me.
The Rock’n’Roll Mermaid 2.0
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rock'n'roll mermaid 